


Magical Girl Impostor Syndrome

by Winged_Cat



Category: Sleepless Domain (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 07:31:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14373915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winged_Cat/pseuds/Winged_Cat
Summary: Healing magic is the most difficult, and in its way by far the most powerful, type of magic.  It is also decidedly not what most magical girls do, especially judging by the media and merchandising.  Restarting a heart - either literally or by restoring someone's capacity to love - is nowhere near as photogenic as blowing up a monster.  What, then, of those who master the art, save lives night after night, knowing it is their calling and yet seeing the fame and adulation go elsewhere?Fortunately, sometimes having the right friend is all that is needed to start on the road to recovery.





	Magical Girl Impostor Syndrome

Another day at Future's Promise School for Magical Girls, another lunchtime at the cafeteria.  Undine glanced behind her as she shuffled through the queue for food, confirming that Heartful Punch had not reneged on being talked into trying real food for once, although it helped that today's was an especially healthy and lean chicken-and-vegetable dish, which tickled her nose as she neared the front of the line.  Friendly laughter and chatter came from too many directions to pick out voices, so Undine surveyed the room and soon spotted which table to go to, the rest of her new circle of friends having already gathered there.  She marveled again at how quickly she had once more found people to hang out with.  It already felt just like when Team Alchemical...  
  
As if summoned by the merest thought of said happy times, the memory of Sylvia, Sally, and Gwen being pounded into the road burst into her mind's eye.  This time it was mercifully silent, but moments felt like minutes as she watched them detransform in surprise and agony, their bodies just giving up, and then a firm hand took hold of her shoulder and her best friend called her name...  
  
Snapping back to reality, Undine beheld Heartful Punch's worried face mere centimeters from her own.  "Undine!  Undine!  You're safe!"  
  
"Sorry."  On instinct, she embraced her rock of stability, even as the memory repeated in the back of her mind.  "It's just...sometimes I wish I could forget, make it all go away, but that's even worse.  I don't want to ever forget them!"  
  
Heartful Punch blanched at Undine's sudden hug, one hand already occupied with her own lunch tray.  She moved her other hand from Undine's shoulder to her back, gave a few pats, then picked up the tray that had been prepared for Undine and slowly walked the two of them out of the line so other students could get their lunches.  Letting a crisis needlessly interfere with proper nutrition was simply unthinkable, after all.  That done, she began walking the two of them to the lunch table.  "C'mon.  Vedika, need your powers here!"  
  
Said purple-haired girl looked up, a smile still on her face from a joke Bud had shared.  Upon seeing Undine, her smile morphed into professional neutrality just as fast as she stood up, knocking her chair over.  "Was she attacked during the day?!?"  
  
HP shook her head as she sat Undine down next to Vedika.  "She's just having a flashback.  I know it's not a monster attack, but can you do something?"  She set the lunch trays down, then pried Undine off, but held on to her hands.  
  
Undine tried to force herself to smile.  "I'm fine, really!"  
  
Vedika relaxed, just a little bit.  "Oh.  Phew.  Umm...sure, I can try..."  She placed her hand on Undine's head and concentrated.  
  
In Undine's mind, the looping vision bleached into monochrome, focused away from her friends onto a random patch of night sky, and darkened to nothing, grief replaced with hollowness that soon faded away.  Her senses finally washed fully back into the present.  Panic rose at the sudden mental silence, only to be likewise forced out of her mind a moment later.  "Oh, wow!  So this is what you do?"  
  
Vedika examined Undine's expression, nodded and smiled, then released her patient so as to retrieve her chair.  "Yep!  Don't even have to transform.  But I don't have any flashy moves like you; all I do is heal.  You could say I'm not a real-"  
  
"DON'T!", interrupted Bud, Cassidy, and Harley in unison.  HP, now sitting across from Undine, just gave Vedika a concerned look.  
  
"C'mon, Vedika," Bud chided, "we've been over this, like, a million times."  
  
Cassidy took her turn next.  "You ARE a real magical girl."  
  
Harley clapped Vedika on the shoulder as Vedika began to sit down.  "You're one of us.  Words won't weasel you out of it."  
  
HP just sighed.  "Vedika...sometimes I wish you could heal yourself."  
  
Vedika looked at HP as if her friend had just stabbed her in the gut, then sat down hard.  
  
Before HP could stammer out an apology, Undine spoke up.  "What are you talking about?  'Real' magical girl?"  
  
Shaking her head and turning to Undine, Vedika replied, "I don't have your powers.  I don't transform.  I don't do any of that.  I mean..."  She gestured to her hair, then her throat.  "...yes, I have the basics, but if I went on the purge I'd just heal the monsters.  Healing's all I do."  
  
Cassidy opened her mouth to protest again, but Bud shushed her, then gestured to Undine.  
  
Said blue-haired girl gaped.  "Healing's...'all'?!?  But healing's the most difficult form of magic!"  
  
Vedika just shrugged.  
  
"You'd have to be some kind of mega-genius to...oh, wait.  Right, top grades in our school.  Straight A student."  Undine finally closed her mouth.  
  
"Sorry to disappoint you."  Vedika shook her head, letting her purple ponytail swish from side to side.  
  
Cassidy, Bud, and Harley facepalmed in perfect unison, eyeing each other and adjusting their timing to make palm meet forehead within the same tenth of a second.  
  
Vedika frowned at them.  "Come on, I've told you!  I get A minuses sometimes!  It happens!  And..."  She looked down, blushing.  "...there was that one test I got a B on, so embarrassing..."  
  
Undine's firm hand on her shoulder cut her off.  "You have nothing to be ashamed of!"  
  
Now it was Vedika's turn to gape at Undine, cheeks flushing as an entirely different emotion washed over the healer.  As tears began to well, she had just enough presence of mind to take off her glasses and set them on the table before leaning over and hugging Undine, sobbing into her chest.  
  
Before Undine could ask, Bud supplied, "She's been feeling guilty about not being able to save your friends."  
  
"Huuuh?"  Undine absently patted Vedika.  "But...she wasn't even THERE!"  
  
Harley nodded.  "That's what we've been trying to tell her."  
  
"Actually I kind of was."  Vedika sniffed, her brief bout of tears already subsiding.  "I was on duty when they brought in...Founder, I hope I never have to do that again."  
  
"Do what?"  Undine's pats shifted into a hug, as she fought back her own tears while trying to remember that night.  "Tessa couldn't...I don't remember getting to the hospital but they were a-already..."  
  
"Triage," Vedika spat as if exorcising venom from her soul.  "I saw three already beyond my power, and you were alright.  So I didn't even try; I just focused on Tessa.  I keep thinking, maybe if I'd looked closer, maybe..."  
  
Undine's expression abruptly went stone cold.  She placed a hand beneath Vedika's chin and forced it up, until she attained eye contact.  "Vedika.  Please.  Do not blame yourself.  Please!"  
  
The world around Vedika froze in her perception.  All she could see was blue irises and pink pupils.  
  
Undine frowned, letting into her voice just a mote of the anger she chastised herself with.  "What you just said...I've said that sort of thing to myself too many times.  I will not hear it in someone else's voice.  Please."  
  
Vedika covered a gasp as her eyes grew wide.  "Oh my...I never thought...you were there, of course you..."  
  
"I am carrying enough guilt."  Undine squeezed her eyes half-shut as they began to moisten again.  "Please.  I don't want to carry yours too."  
  
Vedika hugged tightly.  "I'm sorry!  I'm sorry!  I won't blame myself!"  
  
"Thank you," Undine breathed as she returned the hug.  
  
Half a minute passed as Undine and Vedika comforted each other, until Cassidy broke the silence.  "Okay, fine, you were right, we should've asked Undine to talk with her sooner."  
  
Bud smirked at Harley and held her hand up for a high five.  Harley returned the high five slowly so as to keep the display silent, and thus outside of Undine's and Vedika's perception, but smiled freely.  
  
Cassidy looked away, declining to honor that display with her attention, and poked at the remnants of the chicken and carrot medley she had halfway consumed during the conversation.  "I'm just looking forward to Undine hearing how Vedika saved Tessa's life."  
  
Undine blinked, then abruptly leaned out of the hug to look at Vedika.  "Whaaat?"  
  
Vedika smiled and nodded, reclaiming her glasses.  "It's true.  I could tell she had gone all out saving you - amateur mistake.  Err!"  She waved her hands, her eyes growing wide and her smile vanishing.  "Not that saving you was a mistake!  And, and not that most girls SHOULD know anything about it!  Just, err..."  
  
Undine mirrored Vedika's earlier smile perfectly, as if she had stolen it just so she could give it back.  "She was inexperienced at saving lives, and put her life at risk saving mine.  I get it."  
  
Vedika relaxed.  "Phew.  Thank you for understanding.  So...yeah, she had pushed out her power while pouring her life force into you.  She just needed a transfusion herself.  It took me the rest of the night, and I hear she needed a few days' bed rest afterward, but...you'd know.  She is alive, isn't she?"  
  
Undine nodded.  "I was hoping she'd still go here, but she transferred.  I haven't seen her in a while.  But she lived, and I am in your debt for it."  
  
Vedika held up one finger.  "If this is going where I think it's going: you don't want to carry my guilt, and I don't accept life debts."  
  
Undine just stared for a moment, before chuckling.  "Alright.  But I am going to pay you back.  Tell you what: I think I know exactly the kind of training to show you that you are a real magical girl."  She glanced at HP.  "Kokoro, would you mind switching with me tonight?"  
  
Bud looked up from her lunch.  "Oh, good idea!  Train with me, HP.  I've missed our target practice, and I think I'm getting rusty."  
  
HP gulped, but put on a brave face.  
  
Vedika raised one eyebrow.  "What do you have in mind?"  
  
Undine winked.  "You'll see.  I'll have everything set up by tonight, no sweat."  
  


* * *

  
The clock had just struck 8:40 when Undine ran up to the gym, panting and sweating.  "Sorry I'm late!  Took me longer, hah, than I thought but, huh, it's ready.  Where's Vedika?"  
  
Cassidy, having just thrown double-her-weight Harley on a mat, looked over.  "We all thought she was with you."  
  
Undine shook her blue curls.  "I haven't seen-"  
  
"Sorry, sorry."  Vedika burst in behind Undine, hugging herself, shaking, and pouting.  "I ran into...her, again."  
  
Bud let loose one final punch at a foam bullseye-target shield HP was holding up, then looked over.  "Careful.  Too much of that and I might start thinking you have a thing for her."  
  
As Vedika winced, Cassidy shot Bud a look.  "That's not funny!"  
  
Undine blinked.  "Mind filling me in?  Who's 'her'?"  
  
Vedika took in a breath to calm herself.  "Pop Blitz.  That one with the pr...missing leg.  You know her?"  
  
"We've met."  Undine tilted her head.  "Did she do something wrong?"  
  
"No!", Vedika yelped.  "She's not the one in the wrong.  I am."  
  
HP, having placed her shield aside, marched up to Vedika and put a hand on her shoulder.  "You're not.  Look at me."  
  
Vedika's gaze sunk to the floor.  
  
Sighing, HP recalled too many times Vedika had shut down like this, but then remembered Undine's tactic from earlier.  After taking a moment to visualize exactly how her friend did it, she put a hand under Vedika's chin and tilted her head up until she made eye contact.  "Vedika.  You are a good person."  
  
Sure enough, Vedika did not just ignore HP and stay silent this time.  Instead, clenching her fists, Vedika frowned and retorted, "How can you SAY that when I w-want to...to VIOLATE her?"  
  
Undine waved a hand.  "Uhh...?"  
  
Vedika slipped her chin off HP's hand to look at Undine.  "It's...every time I see her.  I just want to give her her leg back."  
  
Undine's jaw dropped.  "You can do that?"  
  
With a quick nod, Vedika explained, "It'd take an hour or two, but it wouldn't be that hard.  Just regenerate from the stump.  But she's been like that since before I met her.  She's used to...how she is.  For me to just TAKE that from her would be as bad as if I'd taken her leg in the first place!  But every time..."  She sniffed as tears began to well up.  "Every time I come near her, my instincts SCREAM...you know how some people have to talk themselves down?  I have to yell myself down.  And that's what made me late tonight."  
  
"And you do stop yourself," HP added.  "Founder's Guidance 5.  'What is the difference between a good person and an evil person?'"  
  
"'Evil deeds'," Vedika recited without hesitation.  
  
HP nodded.  "'If a monster gives you nightmares, remember...'"  
  
"'...you...are not the nightmare.'"  Vedika looked back at HP, defiant.  "I KNOW that.  But...but no monster gave me...it's my powers.  It's me.  I am the one who...wants to..."  
  
"So, uh," Undine interrupted, "you're sure she doesn't want it?  I mean, you asked her and she said no, right?"  
  
Silence descended for a moment.  
  
Undine gasped.  "Oh, Vedika."  
  
Vedika squeezed her eyes shut and looked away.  "I'm too much of a coward even to do that!  To put her through the pain of having to choose..."  
  
With Vedika's eyes off her, HP allowed herself a moment's eyeroll, but only a moment's.  "Which is why I did it for you."  
  
"WHAT?!?"  Vedika resumed eye contact.  "When?  She, she probably hates me...good thing I haven't talked to her..."  
  
HP kept her gaze and voice neutral.  "This afternoon.  I didn't mention your name.  I only said, quote, 'Pop Blitz, I know how you can get your leg back.  Are you interested?'"  
  
Vedika wilted against the wall, eyes wide.  "What did she say?"  
  
HP smiled.  "'Tell Vedika no thanks.  She's got people who need her more.  Maybe some day, and I know I don't have forever, but not now.  Also, why is she so afraid of me?'"  
  
Vedika boggled.  
  
"I told her I'd tell you, but you need to talk to her."  HP gave Vedika a thumbs up.  
  
In Vedika's heart, impossibility melted into cognitive dissonance, a spark of hope rising against the flood of despair only to still shine through.  "I don't...I don't un-n-derstand...how can she not hate..."  
  
"Not to interrupt," Bud interrupted, "but it's almost nine.  Undine, what was this special training you were going to set up for her?"  
  
"Err..."  Undine put a hand behind her head and smiled nervously.  "Just, ah, something a little silly.  Maybe show her everyone who's still alive thanks to her?  Or just pictures: I bet the list's pretty long!"  Walking up to Vedika, she put an arm behind the medic's shoulders and pulled her to standing upright.  "We have to fight to save people.  You're better than us; you can just save people.  I'd trade my power for yours in a heartbeat!"  
  
Bud chipped in a thumbs up.  "It'd be awesome to heal!  I'd just heal Harley faster than the monsters could hurt her until she was invincible, and let her tear through everything!"  
  
Harley snorted.  "And you wouldn't have to fight at all.  Though, yeah, that would be-"  
  
"Arm's off?  Have a new one.  Filleted down the middle?  Sew her right back up!  Dunked in molten acid?  Regrow until she climbs out, though I'd give her a new haircut, and I hope it'd spare her costume so she wouldn't have to fight naked the rest of the night.  Or-"  
  
Harley cut Bud off with a fist suddenly stuffed in her mouth, stopping just short of the teeth in what looked like a practiced maneuver.  "That's enough."  
  
Vedika wobbled on her feet, leaning hard on Undine, giggling lightly.  "You guys..."  
  
Undine hugged her with one arm.  "Tell you what.  Forget what I was going to do."  She began leading Vedika out.  "Now I just want you to tell me everything you can do.  After that I don't think you'll be able to honestly say you're not a real magical girl."  
  
"Alright."  Vedika did not consciously notice herself following along.  "And, umm, if I could ask a favor?  Someday, when she's rea-when I'M ready, can you, well, help me talk to Pop Blitz?  If she thinks I'm scared of her, I want to apologize to her."  
  
"Trust me," Undine mused as she opened the door, "you're not the one who needs to apologize to her."  
  


* * *

  
Already transformed for practice, out in the middle of the school's athletics track, Swing Blitz leaped and pounced, her entire attention focused on Techno Blitz's drone familiar as it drifted through the night sky.  Time and again she almost grabbed it, only for Techno to yank it to the side at the last second.  Techno, for her part, kept the drone away from benches and other obstructions her younger partner might slam into.  
  
Although Techno saw through the drone's eyes instead of her own, her ears heard Pop Blitz's suffering sigh easily enough.  She needed neither sight nor sound to confirm it was the end of their appointment window, yet Team Blitz was alone on the field.  "I'm sure Alchemical Water had her reasons.  We can ask her tomorrow."  
  
"Yeaaah..."  Pop Blitz rolled her head on her shoulders, then folded her arms and scanned the empty stadium stands once more.  "It's just, getting blown off?  She probably chickened out."  
  
Techno smiled her trademark serene smile.  "You have to admit, it was a dangerous plan."  
  
Ben, sitting on the grass exactly mid-field, looked up from a book.  "I'm glad she's not here.  The two of you, beating each other up without limits while Vedika tried to heal both of you?  I thought the point was to reassure the medic, not break her."  
  
Swing finally managed to snag the drone with both hands.  She held it aloft like a prize as it struggled to fly off, until Techno dismissed it.  Pouting, she decided to join the conversation.  "Isn't Undine that girl who lost a lot of friends?  And kept her own blood in like water?  Oh!  Could she move Steffi's blood?"  Swing gestured double-handed, miming a steam geyser.  "You know, just make her boil all away?"  
  
Pop gave Swing a long look.  Techno did not break her long-practiced mask of a smile, though her eyes dilated very slightly as her imagination took Swing's description and ran with it.  
  
Ben returned to his book.  "I'm glad she's not here."


End file.
